My real thoughts and secrets.

Ive been having dreams and thoughts of killing myself.

Thoughts never stop.

LOL

After not seeing this tumblr in awhile, and reading everything right now, all I did was laugh.

Yea, i meant the things i put, but shits hilarious!

Girls who can carry conversations > greater than girls with just pretty faces

Girls who can carry conversations + pretty faces = :)

If I were to have a converstaion with just my emo-self, based on these thoughts,it would just be blahblahblah shut up, youre weird and depressing.

Happy. Content. Confident. Determined.

After the disastrous thoughts of last night, woke up feeling different. Weird. Buuuut i guess its time to change again, just a lil minor changes that the people around me wont notice…. Just like the last three times… :)

It sucks how i always remember those few disastrous moments in my life instead of the many small happy things that made up everyday ive lived so far… Why…

I think the ailgnment of the stars or sumthin got fcked up today cause i normally dont think like this, i shouldnt even be thinking like this i had a really awesome day with someone, but when your alone wit the tv off and no music listen to what else is there to do but think…

As a reminder to me for when i read this later and forget: awesome day was spent wit “dexters sister”.

I will one day answer the question “how are you?” truthfully. It will not be pretty.

In fact if i had the super power to transfer how i really felt inside to a person with a single touch, i have a strange feeling that the person who i tranfered it too would break down on the spot.

But dont get me wrong, i do enjoy my life and all of its blessings and of course i am really happy at times, i mean i shouldnt feel the way i feel, well i should… But i shouldnt let it get to me, and i dont let it.

But sometimes its hard to put on that smile your friends expect to see, especially when i “joke” around sayin “damn, man im emo…” and someone goes “what?! Siiike Youre not emo, you have no reason” and i just go “yea…. Siiike hahaha” but really i can generate a speech on why and have reasons that have found homes in the dark places i keep them

But i tell myself i am young and this is all nonsense but really…..who else has gone through the combinations of things ive gone through.

I dont like how this makes me sound, like a person who thinks theyve gone through the worst of the worst but i dont think i have, i know there are people out there whos lives are in a state so darker than mine and deserve way more than what i have

But hey this was a real train of thought on the secrets i do have.

I should never be left alone or not in some type of conversation wit someone or not be listening to music for more than an hour. The thoughts i have arent the most positive. Not at all.